If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
