My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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