I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
