I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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