Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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