ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
