Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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