Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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