Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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