Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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