mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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