I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
