He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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