her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
