Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
