Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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