I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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