matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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