right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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