I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
