we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
