are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Alive.
So much puke
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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