My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
