i don't like sucking hair
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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