I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
