you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
