It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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