On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i dont even know how to be here
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
