i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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