The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
