Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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