North Korea, Best Korea!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
