is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
