It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
