I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
