ya dads aren't the best wingmen
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
