with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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