That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
