This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize