I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
