I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize