The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
