using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
