hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
