Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
