as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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