as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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