Little spoons don't ask big questions
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
