she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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