I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
