I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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