Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
