If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize
