Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
