It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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