I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
