your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
