I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
This house was built for laser tag.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
