I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
