What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
