I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I smell like Dick and happiness
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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