I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
