i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
