Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
