If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
