Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
