i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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