Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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