Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
