Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
