Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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