mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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