there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
