My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Randomize
