260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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