I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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