U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
