I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish i was in the wii world.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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