Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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