I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
