matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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