You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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