Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
