Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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