Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
