My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dicks are not precious.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
