hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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