pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
