Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
