I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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