i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize