Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
