Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
