i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
