her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
