dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
