I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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