never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
They took my balls.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
