FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
