party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
