oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
