I'm gonna have a badass scar
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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