you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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