There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
