connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize