Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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